As children, we’ve all heard those three words at some point in our lives. “Because I said so” is a phrase commonly used by parents to assert their authority over children who question their commands.
While this phrase may seem harsh or unloving to some, it is a common tactic used by parents who follow an authoritarian parenting style. In this article, we will explore different parenting styles and understand why parents say “because I said so.”.
What are Parenting Styles?
Parenting style is a psychological construct that describes the methods and practices used by a parent to raise their child.
According to Readiness Scale Learning System, there are four basic parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. These styles differ in how authoritative or permissive parents are and how supportive or controlling they can be.
The Authoritative Parenting Style
The authoritative parenting style is seen as the most effective form of parenting. Parents who use this style tend to be nurturing, responsive, and warm.
They set high expectations for their children but at the same time are also flexible and understanding. Authoritative parents discipline their children using reasoning and encourage their children’s independence, self-esteem, and responsibility.
In contrast to other styles, these parents explain their choices for their children rather than saying “because I said so.”.
The Authoritarian Parenting Style
Authoritarian parents tend to be controlling, demanding, and punishing in their approach to parenting. They believe in using physical punishment and saying “because I said so” to demand obedience from their children.
These parents enforce strict rules and expect their children to follow them without question. They don’t explain their decisions and may not listen to their children’s opinions and thoughts. This parenting style can lead to children who become rebellious or feel anxious and withdrawn.
The Permissive Parenting Style
Permissive parents are indulgent and lenient in their approach to parenting. They have few rules and allow their children to do what they want without consequences. They may explain their choices but do not enforce rules and discipline.
This parenting style can lead to children who lack self-discipline, have difficulty following rules and may not learn responsibility. Parents who indulge their children can be seen to spoil their children’s chances of being independent and responsible adults.
The Uninvolved Parenting Style
The uninvolved parenting style is when parents dictate the least amount of effort when it comes to parenting. They are hands-off, unresponsive, and neglectful. They don’t provide love, guidance, and support to their children.
Such parents offer a lack of structure, inconsistent supervision, and inappropriate discipline. This style can lead to children with poor emotional and social development, academic problems, and behavioral difficulties.
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Why Parents Say “Because I Said So”
As stated earlier, authoritarian parents tend to use that phrase more because they believe in commanding respect and obedience rather than building a nurturing bond with their children.
They believe that their position as the parent should not be questioned, and their decisions should be followed without objection.
The phrase “because I said so” can be used to avoid explanations about their decision, reasoning, or mistakes sometimes.
However, in many cases, that phrase is used to stop the child from asking more questions or to help them see that they are the authority figures of the household and should not be questioned. Authoritarian parents may believe that the explanation may provide space for their child to negotiate, argue or disregard their orders.
The Cons of Using an Authoritarian Parenting Style
While authoritarian parenting may seem practical in the short-term, it can have long-term effects on children. Children from authoritarian households often become dependent on rules and authority.
They may rely on outside motivation and have trouble making decisions on their own. They may also become rebellious towards authority figures and display anti-social tendencies in their youth.
Additionally, children from authoritarian households may feel that they are valued primarily for their achievements rather than for who they are as individuals.
The Advantages of Using an Authoritative Parenting Style
The authoritative parenting style is the most favorable style of parenting. Parents who use this style typically have children who are independent, self-reliant, and socially responsible.
Children who grow under authoritative parenting tend to have higher self-esteem, good communication skills, self-discipline, good grades, cope well with challenging circumstances, and have more peaceful relationships with their peers.
Authoritative parents allow their children to participate in decision-making, communicate openly, and provide guidelines for their children’s understanding.
The parents also establish strict rules but flexible enough to explain them and reasons behind them. This allows children to develop personal responsibility and self-discipline.
The Bottom Line
Parenting styles could be the key to raising happy and healthy children. While the authoritarian approach may work in some cases, it can cause long-term problems.
The authoritative approach is superior in raising independent, responsible, and happy children. Remember that raising children is not easy, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Understanding parenting styles and choosing an appropriate approach can help in nurturing and guiding your child’s development.
