The concept of control is a tricky one, even for adults. We all want to feel like we’re in control, that we have a say in our lives and that things are happening because we’re making them happen.

But is that really the case? And if it’s not, who’s really in control? As it turns out, kids have some pretty insightful thoughts on the matter.

Feeling in Control

For kids, feeling in control often comes from having choices. They like being able to make decisions, even if those decisions are small. Kids also feel more in control when they feel like they understand what’s going on around them.

When things seem unpredictable or chaotic, it can be hard for them to feel like they have any control over their lives.

Of course, part of growing up is realizing that there are plenty of things we can’t control. Weather, for example, or other people’s behaviors.

But even in situations where we can’t control everything, it can be helpful to focus on the things we can control. Kids who learn to identify their own locus of control (i.e. what they have power over) tend to feel more confident and capable.

External Control

While most kids want to feel like they’re in control, there are certain situations where they may look to someone else to take the reins.

For example, if there’s a fire or some other kind of emergency, kids may look to adults for guidance and direction. In these situations, it’s important for adults to step up and provide clear and calm explanations of what’s happening and what needs to be done.

But there are other situations where kids may feel like someone else is controlling their lives in a way that’s not helpful. This can be especially true for kids who come from homes where there’s a lot of conflict or upheaval.

In these situations, kids may feel like they have no say in what happens to them, which can leave them feeling helpless and scared.

The Role of Self-Awareness

One of the tricky things about control is that it’s often a matter of perception. We may feel like we have a lot of control over our lives, but in reality, we may be overlooking the ways in which we’re being influenced by outside forces.

That’s why self-awareness is such an important part of feeling in control.

Kids who learn to be self-aware can start to identify the things that are truly within their control and the things that aren’t.

For example, they may realize that they can’t control whether their parents argue, but they can control how they respond to those arguments. They may also start to realize how their own behaviors and attitudes can impact their lives, which can give them a sense of agency and empowerment.

Developing a Sense of Control

So how can kids (and adults) develop a healthier sense of control over their lives? Here are a few ideas:.

1. Set goals

When we have something to work towards, it can help us feel like we’re in charge of our own lives. Encourage kids to set goals for themselves, whether it’s something academic, athletic, or artistic.

Then work with them to break down those goals into smaller, more achievable steps.

2. Create routines

Routines can help kids feel like they have some predictability and structure in their lives. Work with your child to create a daily routine that includes time for homework, play, and relaxation.

3. Encourage self-reflection

Help your child build self-awareness by encouraging them to reflect on their own thoughts and feelings. When something happens that upsets them, help them identify what specifically triggered their reaction.

Then work with them to come up with strategies for managing those emotions in the future.

4. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness exercises can help kids learn to live in the moment and focus on what’s happening right now. This can be especially helpful for kids who struggle with anxiety or who tend to get caught up in worries about the past or future.

5. Model a healthy relationship with control

Finally, remember that kids are always watching and learning from the adults in their lives. If you’re constantly expressing frustration over things you can’t control (traffic, weather, etc.), your child may pick up on that negativity.

Instead, try to model a healthy relationship with control. Acknowledge the things that are out of your hands, but also focus on the things you can control.

Conclusion

Feeling in control is important for everyone, but it can be especially challenging for kids who are still learning how the world works.

By helping your child build self-awareness, set goals, and create routines, you can empower them to take charge of their own lives. And by modeling a healthy relationship with control, you can help them develop a more positive and resilient attitude towards whatever comes their way.