Being able to say ‘no’ to someone can be a challenging task, especially if you’re a people pleaser. But, setting boundaries is an essential part of self-care and personal growth.

However, it’s easier said than done as most people struggle with asserting themselves for fear that they may come across as rude, insensitive, or unhelpful. If you’re one of those people who find it hard to say ‘no,’ these ten ways will guide you through the process and give you the confidence you need to assert yourself without damaging relationships.

1. Set clear boundaries

The first step to saying ‘no’ confidently is to set clear boundaries for yourself. Be mindful of your time, energy, and resources and only commit to tasks or activities that align with your values and goals.

Determine what you’re willing and unwilling to do, and communicate these boundaries clearly with the people in your life. When you set boundaries, others learn to respect your choices, and you avoid taking on commitments that are not meaningful to you.

2. Identify your priorities

It’s crucial to be clear about your top priorities so that you can evaluate which activities or requests fit into your schedule.

Knowing what your key priorities and goals in life are can help you make quick decisions about the tasks or requests that align with your vision. By staying focused on your priorities, you’ll avoid feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or burdened by unnecessary tasks or requests.

3. Learn to say ‘no’ assertively

When you say ‘no,’ it’s essential to do it assertively and confidently while maintaining your boundaries. Be direct and honest about your reasons for declining a request without feeling the need to make excuses or justify yourself.

Start by thanking the person for their interest in your help and then politely decline their request. Remember that saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad person or an unreliable friend. It’s simply a matter of taking care of yourself.

4. Offer alternatives

Sometimes, saying ‘no’ can come across as unhelpful or negative, especially when the request is urgent or important to the other person.

In such cases, offering alternatives can be a helpful way of demonstrating your willingness to help while staying true to your boundaries. For example, if your friend asks you to help them move, and you can’t, offer to help them pack or find another friend who’s available on the day.

This way, you’re showing your support while avoiding over-committing your time or resources.

5. Be clear and specific

When you decline a request or a task, be clear and specific about your reasons for doing so. Avoid vague excuses or reasons that might leave the other person confused or uncertain. Be honest about your limitations, such as your time, finances, or energy.

By being specific, you’re helping the other person understand your perspective and making it easier for them to accept your decision.

6. Practice saying ‘no’

Like any other skill, asserting yourself and saying ‘no’ takes practice. Start by saying ‘no’ to minor requests or tasks that you feel comfortable declining. Gradually work your way up to more challenging requests or situations.

Remember that it’s okay to start small and build your confidence gradually. With time, you’ll gain the courage and self-assurance to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t align with your values or priorities.

7. Validate the other person’s request

When you say ‘no’ to someone, it’s crucial to acknowledge their request and let them know that you value their needs. Avoid dismissing or invalidating their request, as this might create tension or negative feelings.

Take the time to listen to their request, clarify any doubts, and express empathy before declining their offer. This way, you’re showing respect and understanding towards the other person’s perspective, even if you can’t help them.

8. Avoid over-explaining

While it’s good to be clear and specific about your reasons for declining a request, avoid over-explaining or justifying yourself.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions, and over-explaining might come across as defensive or insincere. Keep your response simple and direct, focusing on your boundaries and reasons for declining the request. Remember that you’re not trying to convince the other person of anything, but merely stating your position.

9. Follow up with kindness

After declining a request or task, it’s essential to follow up with kindness and gratitude. Thank the other person for considering you, express your appreciation for their trust and value the relationship.

By following up with kindness, you’re minimizing any negative impact that your ‘no’ might have had on the person. It also helps to maintain the relationship and shows that you still care, even if you can’t assist them.

10. Practice self-compassion

Finally, remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself, whether you say ‘no’ or ‘yes’ to a request.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to help, or feel guilty for declining a task or activity that doesn’t align with your values or priorities. Recognize that it’s okay to say ‘no’ and that it’s a healthy way of setting boundaries and taking care of yourself.

Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your effort and affirming your value, whether you say ‘no’ or not.