Breakups are hard on anyone, but they can be especially hard on children.

If you and your partner are going through a divorce or separation, it is essential to help your child understand what is happening and ensure they feel supported and loved throughout the process.

1. Be honest with your child

Children are sensitive and can often pick up on when something is not right. It is important to be honest with your child about the break-up, but also consider their age and how much they can understand.

Be clear about the changes that will be happening and what they can expect.

Alexandra Kappatou, a psychologist from Greece who specializes in childhood and family issues, emphasizes the need for honesty: “If the parents are honest and discuss the breakup in an age-appropriate way, it can help to minimize the child’s anxiety or confusion.”.

2. Reassure your child that it is not their fault

Children often feel responsible for their parents’ stress and separation, even though it is not their fault. It is important to reassure your child that they are not responsible and that the breakup is not their fault.

Alexandra Kappatou recommends saying something like: “Mommy and Daddy are both going to be taking care of you, but we have to live in different homes now.

This is not happening because of anything you did, and we both still love you very much.”.

3. Listen and validate your child’s feelings

It is important to listen to your child’s concerns and validate their emotions. Children may experience a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion.

It is normal for them to feel this way and important to let them know that their feelings are valid.

Alexandra Kappatou recommends saying something like: “I understand that you are feeling upset and that is okay. I am here to listen to you and help you work through your feelings.”.

4. Maintain a routine

During a breakup, children’s lives can become unpredictable and stressful. It is important to maintain a routine as much as possible, including usual activities like school, playdates, and mealtimes.

This can provide a sense of stability and comfort for your child during a difficult time.

Alexandra Kappatou advises that “maintaining a sense of routine and stability can help a child feel safe and secure, even during a time of change.”.

5. Encourage your child to ask questions

Children may have many questions about the breakup, and it is important to be open and honest in answering them. Encourage your child to ask questions and take the time to answer them patiently and thoroughly.

Alexandra Kappatou advises that “answering questions honestly can help the child feel less anxious about the unknown.

Remember, a child may not always ask a question, but may expect an answer, so be sure to offer them the space to discuss their feelings and offer support.”.

6. Consider seeking professional help

Breakups can be a complicated and emotional process, and it is okay to seek professional help for both you and your child. A therapist can help your child process their emotions and provide support during a difficult time.

Alexandra Kappatou emphasizes the benefits of seeking professional help: “Therapists can help keep your child on track and offer coping skills for when times get tough.

Whether through individual sessions or family therapy, the right therapist can help make all the difference.”.

7. Keep communication open

Communication is key during a breakup, and it is important to keep an open line of communication with your child. Check in with your child regularly and let them know that you are there to listen and support them.

Alexandra Kappatou emphasizes that “keeping communication open can help the child feel heard and understood. It can also be helpful to encourage your child to express their feelings through journaling or art activities.”.

8. Be patient

Everyone processes breakups differently, and it is important to be patient with your child’s emotions. It may take them a long time to process what is happening, and that is okay.

Allow your child to take the time they need and be there to support them throughout the process.

Alexandra Kappatou reminds us that “patience is key during a breakup. Remember, the child will need time to process their feelings and heal from this experience.”.

9. Avoid negative talk

It is important to avoid negative talk about the other parent in front of your child, as this can create further stress for them. Focus on positive qualities of the other parent and ensure that your child feels loved and supported by both of you.

Alexandra Kappatou advises that “it is important to encourage a strong relationship between the child and both parents, even during a breakup. Negative talk can cause the child to feel torn between their parents and create further stress.”.

10. Take care of yourself

Breakups can be emotionally draining, and it is important to take care of yourself throughout the process. Take time for self-care activities, seek support from friends and family, and consider seeking professional help if needed.

Remember, taking care of yourself will not only benefit you but your child as well.

Alexandra Kappatou reminds us that “breakups can be a stressful time, but it’s important to make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. Make sure you have time to de-stress and recharge so that you can be there for your child.”.