Breaking up can be tough for anyone, but it can be especially hard when there are children involved.

As a parent, you want to shield your child from the pain and uncertainty that can accompany a breakup, but it’s important to talk to them about the situation in a way that they can understand. To help you navigate this difficult conversation, we’ve compiled a list of tips from psychologist Alexandra Kappatou.

1. Be honest with your child

When it comes to talking to your child about a breakup, honesty is key. It’s important to be truthful about the reasons behind the split, without going into too much detail or placing blame on one person.

For example, you might say something like, “Mom and I have decided to break up because we are no longer in love. We both still care about each other and love you very much, but we have realized that we are better off as friends.”.

2. Choose an appropriate time and place

It’s important to choose a time and place that is appropriate for this conversation. This means finding a time when your child is not distracted or stressed, and when you can devote enough time and attention to the conversation.

It’s also important to choose a place where your child feels comfortable. This might be at home, outside in a park, or somewhere else where your child feels at ease.

3. Use age-appropriate language

The language you use when talking to your child about a breakup will depend on their age and level of understanding. For younger children, you may need to use simpler language and concepts.

For example, you might say something like, “Mom and Dad are going to live in different houses now, but we both still love you very much and will always be here for you.”.

For older children, you can use more complex language and concepts, but it’s still important to keep things simple and understandable.

4. Reassure your child that they are loved and important

When talking to your child about a breakup, it’s important to reassure them that they are loved and important.

They may feel like the breakup is their fault or that they are somehow to blame, so it’s important to make it clear that this is not the case.

Make sure to tell your child that you and your ex-partner both love them very much and are here for them. Let them know that they can always come to you with questions or concerns.

5. Avoid badmouthing your ex-partner

Even if the breakup was not amicable, it’s important to avoid badmouthing your ex-partner in front of your child. This can be confusing and hurtful for them, and can make it harder for them to have a positive relationship with both parents.

Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and the things you will both continue to do for your child, even after the breakup.

6. Allow your child to express their feelings

When talking to your child about a breakup, it’s important to give them space to express their own feelings. They may feel sad, angry, confused, or a mix of different emotions, and it’s important to validate these feelings.

Let your child know that it’s okay to feel however they are feeling, and that you are here for them no matter what.

7. Take care of your own mental health

Going through a breakup can be tough on your mental health, but it’s important to take care of yourself in order to be there for your child.

This means taking the time to process your own feelings and seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if needed.

8. Maintain a routine

Following a breakup, it can be tempting to let your child’s routine slip, but it’s important to maintain a consistent and predictable schedule for them. This helps provide a sense of stability during a difficult time.

Make sure to stick to your usual routines as much as possible, including mealtimes, bedtime, and other activities.

9. Be patient with your child

The healing process after a breakup can take time, and it’s important to be patient with your child as they work through their own feelings and emotions.

Remember that everyone processes things differently, and it’s normal for your child to have ups and downs.

Let your child know that you are here for them, no matter what, and that things will get better with time.

10. Seek professional help if needed

If your child is struggling to cope with the aftermath of a breakup, it might be helpful to seek professional help.

A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance to both you and your child, helping you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.