Narcissists are individuals who exhibit excessive self-love, grandiosity, and a lack of empathy. They think of themselves highly and believe they have a sense of entitlement to the admiration and attention of others.

If you’re trying to deal with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, it’s important to learn how to communicate effectively with them.

Narcissists are always in search of external validation and will not hesitate to defend their position, even with the slightest hint of criticism or challenge to their inflated ego.

However, there is one inquiry that seems to baffle them, leaving them in a state of confusion and disorientation. This inquiry is a simple phrase that has the potential to disrupt their defensive mechanisms and change the direction of the conversation.

“Can You Help Me Understand?”

Asking a narcissist, “Can you help me understand?” is a powerful way to get them to engage in a meaningful conversation.

This simple question shows that you are genuinely interested in their perspective and are willing to listen to their input.

By asking for help in understanding their point of view, you are giving the narcissist a sense of validation that they often crave.

This small act of recognition can work wonders in breaking down their usual defensive walls and can lead to a more productive conversation.

The question also demonstrates that you are open to considering alternate views. Since narcissists often believe they are the only ones who are right, asking them to help you understand can potentially shift their perspective a little bit.

Why This Inquiry Works

The question is effective for several reasons.

1. It shows empathy

The question demonstrates that you are trying to see things from the narcissist’s point of view. Narcissists often feel misunderstood, and so the gesture of asking for their perspective can soften their defences and make them feel heard.

2. It invites the narcissist to share their thoughts

The question signals to the narcissist that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say. This can make them feel valued and appreciated, which can change their negative attitude and behaviour.

It can also make them more open to hearing your perspective later.

3. It reduces defensiveness

Narcissists are always on the defence when they feel like their ego is being attacked. The question “Can you help me understand?” is non-accusatory, which allows the narcissist to lower their guard a little bit.

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This helps to create a more relaxed atmosphere which is more conducive to a positive conversation.

When Should You Use This Inquiry?

The “Can you help me understand?” question can be used in various scenarios, such as:.

• When you want to clarify something that the narcissist said
• When you want to understand why the narcissist behaves a certain way
• When you’re trying to find common ground with the narcissist

Remember that the goal of this question is to break down the narcissist’s defences so that you can have a productive conversation. It is not meant to be accusatory or hostile in any way.

How to Use This Inquiry Effectively

To get the most out of this inquiry, it’s important to follow these guidelines:.

1. Stay calm and composed

When communicating with a narcissist, it’s important to remain calm and composed. If you start to lose your cool, the conversation will quickly devolve into an argument. Stay neutral and focus on asking your question in a non-accusatory tone.

2. Be specific

When asking the question, be specific about what you want to understand. This will help the narcissist know exactly what you’re asking and can help keep the conversation on track.

Be clear and concise so that the narcissist doesn’t feel like they’re being attacked.

3. Listen actively

When the narcissist responds, listen actively to what they’re saying without interrupting. Make sure to acknowledge their perspective and show that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their point of view.

4. Keep the conversation constructive

Avoid spiraling into arguments or letting the conversation get out of control. Keep the conversation productive by using the information you gained from the question to find a compromise or common ground.

In Conclusion

The “Can you help me understand?” question is a powerful tool that can help you communicate more effectively with narcissists.

By showing empathy, inviting the narcissist to share their thoughts, and reducing defensiveness, this inquiry can create a meaningful and productive conversation.

Remember to stay calm and composed, be specific with your question, listen actively, and keep the conversation constructive.

With these guidelines in mind, you’ll be able to use the inquiry effectively and navigate your interactions with narcissists more successfully.