Breaking up with your significant other can be a difficult and painful experience. Whether you were together for a short period or a long time, accepting that the relationship is over and moving forward can be a challenge.

One question that often arises after a breakup is whether it is possible to become friends with your ex. The answer may not be a simple yes or no, as numerous factors will determine whether or not you should try to keep a friendship with your ex-partner.

Factors That Affect Whether Ex-Lovers Can Become Friends

The following are some of the primary factors that could determine whether or not you and your ex-partner can be friends after a breakup:.

The Reason for the Breakup

Were you and your ex-partner together for a long time, and one of you decided to end things for no apparent reason? Or did one of you cheat and essentially betray the trust of the other? If you or your ex-partner ended the relationship on bad terms, it can be much harder to develop even a cordial relationship, let alone a healthy friendship. If your ex-partner cheated on you, for example, and you learned about the infidelity, you would probably be hurt and angry and would find it challenging to remain friends with that person.

The Length of the Relationship

The length of the relationship could also determine the possibility of a friendship. If you were together for a short period, it may be easier to move on.

But if you were together for a longer duration, ending the relationship could feel like a significant loss. Additionally, there is the risk of your ex-partner returning if the relationship was long-term, which could potentially reset your healing process after the breakup.

The Level of Attachment

If you were very attached to your ex-partner, it could be a struggle to transition into a platonic friendship.

Switching off romantic love is not an easy thing to do, and maintaining a friendship with someone with whom you associate romantic feelings, could cause a lot of emotional upheaval for both parties.

The Personalities of the Ex-parties Involved

People handle breakups differently based on their personality, experiences, expectations, and the person they are breaking up with. If your ex-partner is an emotional person, it could be difficult not to reopen old wounds, causing pain for both of you.

But if they are mature and can accept responsibility for the relationship’s failure, it is possible to move into a friendship more comfortably. However, personality differences, such as one party’s clinginess and the other’s need for space, could make maintaining a friendship near impossible.

The Pros and Cons of Keeping a Friendship with Your Ex

Now that we have seen some of the factors that influence whether ex-lovers may remain friends after a breakup, let’s examine the pros and cons of attempting a friendship with ex-lovers.

Pros

Emotional Support

A friendship with your ex-partner could provide emotional support and a listening ear when you need someone to talk to. Your ex probably knows you better than anyone else, so they could offer valuable insights when you require them.

Mutual Friends

If you and your ex-partner shared a group of friends, maintaining a friendship could help keep the cordial atmosphere going.

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You both probably enjoyed the company of friends as a couple, and there’s no reason why that shouldn’t continue post-breakup. Instead of choosing sides and having mutual friends asking where you are or hurting anyone’s feeling, choosing to be friends could be an ideal solution.

Feelings of Closure

Sometimes, having someone in your life that you previously romantically loved but now only have friendly feelings for, could allow you to find closure and move on from the relationship.

You could end up discovering those things that initially attracted you to the person are not present in the ‘just friends’ zone, which could be reinforcing in accepting they are not the right fit for you. It could also help provide some necessary space and perspective to grow individually and recognize what kind of romantic partners you desire in future.

Cons

Emotional Pain

If you and your ex-partner were not together for long and ended things on bad terms, remaining friends could cause emotional pain and trauma.

If one person still holds feelings for the other, it could lead to heartbreak and rejection, which could deepen the wounds when you come together to repair a mutilated relationship.

Difficulties in Moving on

Holding a friendly relationship with your ex-partner could make it difficult to move on romantically. If you still harbor love for your ex-partner, it could be hard to watch them start dating others, even if you have already moved on.

The opposite could also be true where you start pursuing other relationships, but your ex-partner still has feelings for you.

Nostalgia and Conflicting Feelings

It is common to experience nostalgia after a breakup or even to question why you broke up if you still share experiences with your ex-partner.

You both have an emotional history together, you have habits and other routines you developed as a couple that could get re-triggered reopening the door to difficulties in creating safe and healthy boundaries.

Conclusion

Deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex-partner can be a challenging and complicated decision.

Before committing to anything, it’s essential to take a step back, assess your feelings and the possibility of continually communicating with your ex partner. If you think you may find friendship with your ex, be alert to common challenges and pitfalls also If you do try to make a friendship work but it does not work out, it is essential to accept the reality and be willing to move forward separately.

As human beings, the more accepting we can be of change and the unknown, the richer our life’s experiences become.