Choosing a partner is something most of us do at some point in our lives. We may have had wonderful relationships in the past, but it’s not uncommon to find ourselves consistently falling for the wrong person.

Why does this happen? Are we cursed to keep picking the wrong partners?.

There are many reasons why we may make poor choices when it comes to our romantic partners. In this article, we will explore four root causes of why we keep choosing the wrong partners.

1. Unresolved Childhood Trauma

One of the most common reasons why people choose the wrong partners is unresolved childhood trauma. If someone experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma as a child, they may have learned to associate love with pain or abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of seeking out partners who are emotionally unavailable, abusive, or neglectful. Without even realizing it, a person may be choosing partners who repeat the same destructive patterns from their past.

The first step to breaking this pattern is recognizing it. If you find yourself consistently choosing partners who are not good for you, it may be time to examine some of the deeper issues at play.

2. Not Knowing Yourself Well Enough

Another common reason why we choose the wrong partners is that we don’t know ourselves well enough. If we have not taken the time to understand our own values, beliefs, and desires, it will be difficult to find a partner who aligns with them.

Additionally, if we lack confidence or a strong sense of self-worth, we may settle for someone who does not treat us well.

To break this pattern, it’s important to spend time getting to know yourself. This may involve therapy, self-reflection, or simply taking time to explore your interests and passions.

When you have a stronger understanding of who you are and what you want, you are more likely to choose a partner who is a good fit.

3. Repeating Family Patterns

It’s not uncommon for people to repeat the relationship patterns they saw growing up. If a person grew up in a household where their parents had an unhealthy dynamic, they may be more likely to seek out similar dynamics in their own relationships.

For example, if a person’s mother was always the caretaker in a relationship, they may find themselves attracted to partners who expect them to play that role.

Breaking family patterns can be challenging, but it is possible. It may involve some self-reflection and therapy to understand why you are drawn to certain relationship dynamics and how to break out of them.

4. Seeking External Validation

Finally, some people may choose the wrong partners because they are seeking external validation. If a person does not feel confident or secure in themselves, they may look to a partner to validate their worth.

This can lead to choosing partners based on superficial qualities or ignoring red flags because they make us feel wanted.

To break this pattern, it’s important to work on building self-worth and confidence. This may involve therapy, self-care, or planning activities that make you feel good about yourself.

When you feel secure in yourself, you are less likely to choose partners based on superficial criteria.

Conclusion

Choosing the wrong partner can be a frustrating and painful experience. However, it’s important to remember that there are often deeper issues at play.

By examining some of the root causes of why we choose the wrong partners, we can begin to break these patterns and make more positive choices in the future.

Whether it’s unresolved childhood trauma, a lack of self-knowledge, repeating family patterns, or seeking external validation, there are steps we can take to address these issues and move towards healthier relationships.