Being a parent is a tough job, and it’s only natural to want to see your child succeed. From the moment they’re born, you’ll probably latch onto any clue that suggests they’re gifted or talented in some way.

But while we all want what’s best for our children, it’s important to remember that labeling them can be dangerous. Even something as seemingly harmless as calling your child “smart” can limit their potential and affect their self-esteem in the long run.

What is labeling, and why is it so dangerous?

Labeling is simply the act of assigning a category or trait to someone. With children, it often takes the form of saying they’re “smart,” “creative,” “athletic,” or some other descriptor.

Parents might use these labels to try and boost their child’s confidence, or to show off their accomplishments to others. But labeling a child can actually be very harmful for several reasons.

First of all, labeling can be self-fulfilling. If a child is told from a young age that they’re “smart,” they may start to believe that this is the defining characteristic of their personality.

This can have a number of negative consequences later in life – for example, if they struggle with a particular subject in school, they might be more likely to give up or feel like failures, because they don’t want to admit they’re not “smart” enough to do it.

Additionally, labeling can be limiting. If a child is labeled as “smart,” they might feel pressure to succeed academically at all times, to live up to the label.

Or, they might avoid challenging themselves in other areas, because they don’t want to risk failing and losing the “smart” label. In this way, labeling can actually prevent children from developing their full potential and exploring their true interests.

The risks of calling a child “smart”

Of all the labels parents tend to use, “smart” is probably the most common. And while it might seem like a positive thing to say, calling a child “smart” can actually be quite risky.

Here are a few of the risks you should keep in mind:.

It can lead to a fixed mindset.

A “fixed mindset” is a belief that intelligence or ability is predetermined and can’t be changed (as opposed to a “growth mindset,” which holds that intelligence can be developed through hard work and learning).

When a child is constantly told they’re “smart,” they may start to believe that their intelligence is fixed and unchangeable. This can lead to a fear of failure, and a reluctance to take risks or try new things that might challenge their abilities.

It can lead to complacency.

If a child is praised for being “smart,” they might start to believe that it’s enough to simply coast through life without putting in much effort.

After all, if you’re “smart” enough to get good grades without trying, why bother putting in extra work? This mindset can be dangerous later in life, when the child is faced with challenges that can’t be overcome by sheer intelligence.

It can lead to imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where people doubt their own accomplishments and feel like frauds, despite evidence of their success.

This can happen to people who have been labeled as “smart” throughout their lives, because they feel like they’re not living up to the label. They might feel like they don’t deserve their achievements, or that they’re one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud. This can be a major barrier to success and happiness in life.

What to do instead of labeling

So, if labeling children can be so harmful, what should parents do instead? Here are a few tips:.

Focus on effort.

Instead of praising your child for being “smart” or “talented,” try focusing on their effort. Tell them you’re proud of how hard they worked on a project, or how much they’ve improved in a certain area.

This can help reinforce a growth mindset and encourage your child to embrace challenges that might help them develop their abilities.

Avoid comparisons.

It’s natural to compare your child to others – after all, you want to make sure they’re on track and doing well. But avoid making direct comparisons with other children, as this can be hurtful and counterproductive.

Instead, focus on your child’s individual strengths and weaknesses, and help them find ways to improve in areas where they might be struggling.

Encourage exploration.

Rather than trying to pigeonhole your child into a certain category or label, encourage them to explore the world and try new things.

Exposing them to different activities and experiences can help them develop a wide range of skills and interests, and can help prevent them from feeling limited or confined by any one label.

Use specific, descriptive language.

Instead of using broad labels like “smart” or “creative,” try using specific, descriptive language to praise your child.

For example, instead of saying “you’re so smart,” you could say “I’m impressed by how well you solved that problem.” This type of feedback can help reinforce good behaviors and help your child see that their efforts are paying off.

Wrapping up

While it’s natural to want to label and categorize everything in life (including our children), it’s important to remember that labeling can be harmful, especially for children who are still developing their sense of self.

By avoiding labels and focusing on effort, exploration, and specific feedback, you can help your child develop a healthy self-image and reach their full potential.