Being coerced is an extremely difficult and traumatic experience to go through. It can leave the victim feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and powerless. At times like this, the victim needs support, encouragement, and kindness from their loved ones.

However, sometimes people unintentionally say things that aren’t helpful or can even make the situation worse. In this article, we’ll go through 30 things you shouldn’t say to someone who is being coerced.

1. “It’s not that bad!”

Minimizing someone’s experience is never helpful. Coercion is a serious violation of someone’s rights and can leave them feeling powerless and traumatized.

Saying, “it’s not that bad” downplays the severity of the situation and can make the victim feel unheard and dismissed.

2. “Why didn’t you just leave?”

Leaving a coercive situation isn’t always as easy as it sounds. The victim may have been threatened, intimidated, or manipulated into staying.

Suggesting that they could have left the situation can make them feel like they are to blame for what happened to them.

3. “You should have known better.”

No one should be blamed for being coerced. Victims of coercion are not at fault for what happened to them. Saying they should have known better can make the victim feel like they are responsible for what happened.

4. “I would never let that happen to me.”

While the intentions behind this statement may be good, it can come across as judgmental and dismissive.

The victim already feels powerless, and saying you wouldn’t have let it happen to you can make them feel like they should have been able to prevent it from happening.

5. “Are you sure you’re not just overreacting?”

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by manipulators to make the victim doubt their own feelings and perceptions. By suggesting they might be overreacting, you’re playing right into the manipulator’s game.

It’s important to validate what the victim is feeling and support them through their experience.

6. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Victims of coercion often feel like they can’t tell anyone what’s happening to them. They may have been threatened with harm to themselves or their loved ones if they speak out.

Suggesting that they should have said something sooner can make them feel like they’ve done something wrong when they haven’t.

7. “It’s not like they’re hitting you.”

Coercion doesn’t always involve physical violence. Emotional, psychological, and financial abuse can be just as damaging.

By suggesting that it doesn’t count unless there is physical violence, you are downplaying the severity of the situation.

8. “You just need to stand up for yourself.”

Standing up to a manipulator can be incredibly difficult and can sometimes put the victim in danger.

Suggesting that they “just need to stand up for themselves” ignores the complexity of the situation and can make them feel like they’re not doing enough.

9. “I knew they were bad news from the start.”

While the manipulator may have shown their true colors to you, they may have acted differently around the victim.

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they should have known better and can make them hesitant to ask for help in the future.

10. “Why did you let this happen to you?”

This statement implies that the victim had control over the situation, and therefore is responsible for what happened to them. Victims are not responsible for being coerced, and saying something like this can be hurtful and unhelpful.

11. “I don’t believe you.”

Victims of coercion often feel like they aren’t believed or heard. Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they’re not being taken seriously and can discourage them from seeking help in the future.

12. “You’re just being dramatic.”

Minimizing someone’s experience is never helpful. By saying they’re just being dramatic, you’re making them feel like their feelings are invalid and unimportant.

13. “You should have seen this coming.”

Coercion can be incredibly difficult to spot, especially if the manipulator is skilled at hiding their true intentions.

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they should have known better, when in reality, they may have been a victim of skilled manipulation.

Related Article Words to Avoid When Talking to Someone in a Coercive Situation

14. “Just forget about it and move on.”

Coercion can leave a lasting impact on the victim. Telling them to just forget about it and move on ignores the emotional toll it can take on someone and can make them feel like their experience isn’t important.

15. “You’re lucky it wasn’t worse.”

Everyone’s experience is valid and important, no matter how severe. Saying something like this implies that the victim should be grateful that it wasn’t worse and can make them feel like their experience isn’t worth talking about.

16. “It’s your own fault.”

Victims of coercion are not at fault for what happened to them. Saying something like this can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re to blame for what happened.

17. “I don’t have time for this.”

Victims of coercion need support and validation from their loved ones. Saying you don’t have time for this can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re not worth your time or energy.

18. “Just get over it.”

Coercion can have a lasting impact on the victim. Telling them to just get over it ignores the emotional toll it can take on someone and can make them feel like their experience isn’t important.

19. “I told you so.”

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they’re being blamed for what happened to them. It’s important to show support and validation for the victim, not judgment and blame.

20. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Coercion is a serious violation of someone’s rights and can leave them feeling powerless and traumatized. Saying it’s not a big deal downplays the severity of the situation and can make the victim feel unheard and dismissed.

21. “I can’t believe you fell for it.”

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they’re being blamed for what happened to them. It’s important to show support and validation for the victim, not judgment and blame.

22. “You’re so naive.”

Victims of coercion are not at fault for what happened to them. Saying they’re naive can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re responsible for what happened.

23. “Why didn’t you ask for help?”

Victims of coercion often feel like they can’t tell anyone what’s happening to them. They may have been threatened with harm to themselves or their loved ones if they speak out.

Suggesting that they should have asked for help can make them feel like they’ve done something wrong when they haven’t.

24. “You should have seen the signs.”

Coercion can be incredibly difficult to spot, especially if the manipulator is skilled at hiding their true intentions.

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they should have known better, when in reality, they may have been a victim of skilled manipulation.

25. “I can’t believe you let this happen to you.”

Victims of coercion are not at fault for what happened to them. Saying something like this can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re responsible for what happened.

26. “Just forget about them.”

Coercion can leave a lasting impact on the victim. Telling them to just forget about the manipulator ignores the emotional toll it can take on someone and can make them feel like their experience isn’t important.

27. “Why didn’t you do something sooner?”

Victims of coercion often feel like they can’t tell anyone what’s happening to them. They may have been threatened with harm to themselves or their loved ones if they speak out.

Suggesting that they should have done something sooner can make them feel like they’ve done something wrong when they haven’t.

28. “You should have known better than to trust them.”

While the manipulator may have shown their true colors to you, they may have acted differently around the victim.

Saying something like this can make the victim feel like they should have known better and can make them hesitant to ask for help in the future.

29. “It’s your own fault for being too trusting.”

Victims of coercion are not at fault for what happened to them. Saying something like this can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re to blame for what happened.

30. “I don’t want to hear about it.”

Victims of coercion need support and validation from their loved ones. Saying you don’t want to hear about it can be incredibly hurtful and can make the victim feel like they’re not worth your time or energy.

Conclusion

Supporting someone who is being coerced can be a delicate matter. It’s important to validate their feelings, show support, and avoid saying anything that could be hurtful or dismissive.

By avoiding these 30 things, you can help the victim feel heard, valued, and empowered.