When we encounter verbal altercations, it is important to stay calm and collected to avoid escalation and to preserve relationships with the person we are speaking with.

Below are five ways to defuse verbal altercations and turn them into healthy, constructive conversations.

1. Listen attentively and patiently

When we listen attentively and patiently, we show the other person that we value their thoughts and opinions. Avoid interrupting them while they are speaking and instead focus on understanding their perspective.

Pay attention to the nonverbal cues as well, such as their tone of voice and body language, to gather additional information and cues to how they are feeling. This approach can help prevent a confrontational tone and instead promote mutual communication and respect.

2. Avoid accusatory language or blaming statements

Avoid using accusatory language or blaming statements, such as “You always do this” or “You are at fault for this situation”.

Instead, try to use “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt” or “I don’t understand what is going on”. These statements allow you to express your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or seeming confrontational, which helps the other person be more open and receptive to your perspectives and insights.

Related Article How to Stop a Fight Before it Starts

3. Take a step back and try to empathize

If the conversation is becoming too heated, it may be helpful to take a step back and try to figure out why they might be feeling the way they do. Trying to empathize with the other person can help dissolve anger and tension.

Ask open-ended questions, like “Can you tell me more information about the situation?” or “What do you think can help us resolve this conflict?” That way, they will feel heard and can understand the common goal of resolution instead of intensifying the argument.

4. Identify common goals

Try to find common goals or solutions that will benefit both parties involved. Identify areas where the two of you can compromise or work together on. This helps establish a mutual understanding and a foundation for finding a solution to the problem.

Rephrase negative statements into positive ones to redirect the focus to what can be done to help the situation. For instance, instead of saying “I’m sorry you’re not happy”, say something like “What can we do to help make you happy?” or “Let’s look for a solution to this problem together”.

5. Know when to end a conversation

If a conversation becomes too tense or unproductive, it may be best to end the conversation and revisit it later. Patience is a hallmark of a successful conversationalist, even if the conversation does not yield immediate results.

Hence, we should always have the courage to seek a break, walk away from the conversation and revisit the topic when emotions have been defused. Instead of shutting them out completely, express that you are open to continuing the conversation but not at the moment. Remember, it is not a failure to walk away, but instead, it is a show of maturity to do so when necessary.