Relationships are complex and can lead to a wide variety of emotions. One common issue that people face in relationships is jealousy.

The feeling of jealousy can stem from various things, and one of the most common reasons for it is the fear of losing one’s partner to someone else. This fear can be heightened by the presence of a third person, especially if this person is attractive, charming, and seemingly perfect. This third person is what we call the spectator.

Who is the Spectator?

The spectator is someone who is an outsider to a relationship but has a keen interest in the couple’s dynamics. It could be a colleague, a friend, a neighbor, or even a family member.

The spectator will observe the couple, listen to their conversations, and pick up on any hints that suggest that their relationship is not as strong as it should be. They may also play the role of a confidant, subtly prodding one person to open up about their relationship, while they pretend to be an unbiased listener.

The spectator’s interest in the relationship may stem from various reasons. They could be genuinely concerned about one or both parties, or they could have selfish motives, e.g., wanting to pursue one of the partners.

However, regardless of their motivations, the spectator is dangerous for the relationship as they have the potential to sow seeds of distrust, jealousy, and insecurity in the couple.

In today’s digital age, the spectator has unprecedented access to information about the couple through social media.

Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat allow people to share intimate aspects of their lives with others, even those who are not part of their close circles. The spectator can use this information to their advantage, using it as ammunition to manipulate the couple. For instance, they can make comments like, “I saw on Facebook that your partner went out with their ex last night.

That could be a red flag,” or “It seems like your partner is always liking the pictures of someone else on Instagram. That’s not a good sign.”.

Social media can also lead to misunderstandings that fuel jealousy and insecurity.

For example, if one partner sees a comment from the spectator saying, “You and your partner look so happy together,” they may interpret it as the spectator trying to insert themselves into their relationship. The presence of the spectator in the couple’s digital space can create a sense of intrusion, leading to tension between the partners.

How to Deal with the Spectator

The first step in dealing with the spectator is identifying their presence. This can be challenging, especially if the spectator is someone the couple knows well and trusts.

However, there are some red flags to watch out for, such as the spectator asking too many questions about the relationship, making suggestive comments, or trying to get closer to one of the partners.

Once the couple has identified the spectator, they need to take steps to protect their relationship.

This could involve setting boundaries with the spectator, such as avoiding discussing intimate details of the relationship with them or not spending too much time around them. If the spectator is persistent, the couple may need to cut ties with them altogether.

It’s important not to let the spectator’s presence create a rift between the partners. Instead, the couple should communicate openly and honestly about their feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

They should reassure each other of their commitment to the relationship and work together to strengthen their bond.

The Role of Self-Esteem

One of the reasons that the spectator can be so damaging to a relationship is that they often prey on the partners’ insecurities. Therefore, it’s essential to have a healthy level of self-esteem to be immune to their manipulative tactics.

Partners who are confident in themselves and their relationship are less likely to be swayed by the spectator’s comments or actions.

Self-esteem can be strengthened by working on oneself, e.g., through therapy, exercise, or pursuing hobbies.

It’s also important to have a support system of friends and family who can provide positive reinforcement and help combat negative self-talk.

The Bottom Line

The spectator is a real threat to relationships, and their presence can create feelings of jealousy, distrust, and insecurity among partners.

However, by identifying their presence, setting boundaries, and working together to strengthen their bond, couples can overcome this challenge. It’s also crucial to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem to be immune to the spectator’s manipulative tactics.